You know, it's always felt like blogging is missing something for me. Well, not 'always,' but for nearly a year now after quitting my successful World of Warcraft blog. A year counts as 'always,' okay?
Anyway, when I was writing that blog, I had a specific focus, an area of expertise (*snort*), and an audience. That audience still messages me to this day to see if I'm playing again because they want my advice. It was, and still is, an awesome feeling, though now it's tainted by irrational guilt because I can't help anymore.
But, that's not what I'm really missing.
What I'm missing is my online community. I still talk with a good many people who wrote (or still write) WoW-centered blogs, but I don't 'belong' to their group anymore. Not to say they exclude me, but how can I even begin to talk about something I know nothing about? Without being a douche, anyway.
So now, I have this blog, and it's completely focus-less and rambly, sporadically updated and impossibly twitchy, and I just don't know what I want to do with it. I don't know where it 'fits.' And yes, I know, "Write for yourself and what you want to write," etc. but that doesn't solve my problem of feeling like I lack a group, a sense of belonging to something larger than myself.
I've collected friend's blogs through general Facebook and Twitter stalking, but that seems to hardly amount to a greater community. In the end it boils down to severely confused 20-somethings who alternate between depression, revelation, anxiety and introspection. And if anyone knows anything about 20 somethings, it's that we haven't got a fucking clue most of the time and nothing we ever do is really cohesive, if even coherent.
I don't know if I really fit into a lot of the blog communities I do read, either. I mean, I read mommy bloggers a lot of the time (which should really be described as "real life bloggers who just happen to have children") and I'm not even close to being a mom.
And I'm definitely not saying I'm being actively excluded from blogging communities. My narcissism and self-centerdness in that spectrum is confined quietly to my mind where it will never escape, thanks. I guess I'm just frustrated because I'm not sure where to go and belong (which harkens back to the '20 somethings haven't got a fucking clue'). I want to belong somewhere because human nature psychological buzz words mob mentality, but leaving it up to me to figure out where is as bad as handing me a map that doesn't talk to me.
Seriously, give me a map and I will have to rotate the map in the direction headed so that I can give accurate left-right directions, after running through "Never-Eat-Shredded-Wheat" in my head and holding out my fingers in order to find which hand makes the L-shape for left. I am not a good navigator.
My cartography deficiencies aside, I know I can't just sit and wait for someone to hand me a golden key to a community. It didn't work like that in a very specialized sector like WoW, it certainly won't work in the wide world of random internet blogs (though, I mean, if you have a golden key like that, I won't say no). It's just pinning down where I want to be that's the problem.
I'm trying out different things, and hoping they stick. I'm trying to be more active on the blogs I do read. I'm trying to post more. I even created my 30 Minute Comics tumblr, in an effort to get my friends (and hopefully, eventually, strangers) involved in something light-hearted and fun. And, you know, I have to write in here more often.
Which should be obvious, but, well, I'm a 20 something. Another thing we tend to be is oblivious.